The strangeness of reality would often catch me unaware. Random events would come as a surprise even when there’s familiarity. Life, mine in particular, has almost always been oddly discomfiting — seemingly leading me towards a different direction each and every time.

Music labels each path I take. I allow it that much power. In the moments I spend alone, thinking and writing, it accompanies me. Affects my mood and pen. Inspires every creative cell in my being; reflected in my personal style, in my writing, and in my photos.

I’m finding more and more time for music and writing. I’m finding more and more time for myself and my thoughts.

A new road. A change in direction. In time, things will make sense. Music will provide the spark; inspire each time I pick up my pen, face my laptop or look through the viewfinder. Each step I will take will be driven, energized and affected.

How about you? What sort of music are you listening to today?

“Maybe you’re just preempting yourself,” a friend had said earlier when I openly admitted personal theories on dating. I reckon my friend had hit the nail right on its head. It was a statement I couldn’t argue my way out of.

I make choices based on a drive to prevent an anticipated event from happening regardless if the outcome is good or bad. I forestall. I act in advance of someone in order to prevent them from doing something that I may not like. I interrupt a train of thought before it reaches its rightful conclusion. I replace definitions with my own way of understanding them. I do these out of fear of disappointment.

What is wrong with acknowledging the desire? Why is it hard to admit that I do want this desire to materialise?

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Nashville Skyline - Dishwalla Play Now | Play in Popup

I pick up my pen and I draw blank. I feel the minute coarseness of the paper and the roundness of the long, thin cylinder that holds the ink. I hear endless and mindless chatter in my head. But I still find myself at a loss, both inspiration and cohesion. I’m at the precipice of finding reason for hope and the logic behind the despair.

Having focused on something for so long can bring one to a state of disarray if suddenly uprooted. I’ve come full circle sans tangible output. I am reminded of how fleeting everything is.

I imagine myself standing at the end of an empty jetty staring at the edge where water touches the sky, wondering at the strange contrast of the unsteady surface of the waters and the soothing blue sky. I would end up lowering my eyes to stare at the planks of wood that I’m standing on in an effort to avoid drowning in the unfathomable mystery of the scenery or to mark the humbling sight that invoked powerful emotions and indescribable conundrums, accepting that there are things in this world that I will never understand.

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The Shade of Poison Trees - Dashboard Confessional Play Now | Play in Popup

The words came before I saw the image. Pretty much illustrates how my mind is right now — a constant play of tug-o-war between remembering and forgetting. I reckon, I’m presently stuck in a state of undecided-ness. It’s wiser to let go than to hold on to wishful thinking. Fearing that this inexplicable ache will eat me up whole.

Like bumper boats in amusement parks, the fun is found in bumping into strangers, not running a course side by side around the pool and then you’ll soon find that it’s over after 5 minutes. Whatever was shared in that pool stays there, without any obligation to further the acquaintance on dry land. You’re back to being strangers again.

Resigned to the thought that it’s meant to happen this way.. chances and currents, steered and fleeting. It is more romantic, even when empirical reason may claim otherwise, to leave the memory be. It will remain perfect in its own strange way, magical even. It’s one of the most wonderfully crafted events in my life that will inspire me to write. It’s now part of the reasons why I love sunrises.

“Analysis destroys wholes. Some things, magic things, are meant to stay whole. If you look at their pieces, they go away.” — Robert James Waller

Funny how I shared one sunrise with him and he didn’t even know that he made it a little more special than usual.

Was It A Dream - 30 Seconds to Mars Play Now | Play in Popup

The quote was lifted from the book, The Bridges of Madison County; Photo taken while riding on a Ferris Wheel in Enchanted Kingdom, Sta. Rosa, Laguna, Philippines; October 2010.

Change that forges its way through and around obstacles towards its destination. Carves, reacts, erodes, and deflects. Creates art, sustains life. Resourceful and noble, an immeasurable and fleeting force.

It can adapt. We are only asked to respect it. It is infinitely wiser than we ever dare think it to be. It knows where it’s going and that’s where it will ultimately end up regardless of what it may encounter. You can try to control it, manipulate it, destroy it. In the end, you’ll realise that you may never lord over it at all.

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Unsaid - The Fray Play Now | Play in Popup