Grit and Success

2014-10-26 16.48.55

Two quotes that brought me to break an unspoken pact to stay away from producing words and leaving them here.

“Grit is having stamina. Grit is sticking with your future, day in, day out, not just for the week, not just for the month, but for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it’s a marathon, not a sprint.” ~ Angela Duckworth

Resonating a mute echo — I should not be here. I cannot be here. I must not be here. From pleas to take me away from where I am, to appeals to make magic possible and allow me to disappear.

Time flies too quick when all you want it to do is stand still. It drags and drags and drags when you want it to end. You wait a minute, a day, a decade. The saddest thing to find is an unchanged circumstance. Or having come full circle.

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Protected: How can it be perfect?

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Do you miss me ever?

“Ever, you asked…

I look for you every time I check my emails when I wake up in the morning and every chance after.

I miss you each time.”

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11 November 2012

I stare at a Bangkok coin and I remember an afternoon of drunken stupor and threw its twin into the lake behind the house. Despite the embarrassing display of callowness and romance, I remember squeezing my eyes shut, wanting to believe that possibilities are as endless and real as the sky is wide and blue.

My entire being had been screaming release. I wanted the universe to look at me at that very moment; to know that I’m finally admitting that I wanted something that I don’t have. It was a show of surrender. It was no longer a game. It was a moment of vulnerable mea culpa. Forget pride. Forget the game.

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White Flag

Rejection. Hurt. Pain. Tears.

Asking if there is enough strength and courage to push on.

Knowing when to let go can exhibit such still; a broken spirit will tell you when it has reached its limit.

Your heart, though with pure intentions, can deceive. Swayed to believe in goodness without sense of self preservation at times. Catch it while there’s something left that can be salvaged.

You hoped that you would find what you dreamt of — a love that mirrored your own, a kindness that would only equal to grace, and a place that welcomes who you are and what you offer, wholeheartedly.

You believed them. You trusted them. You offered what you could — your sweat, your tears, your time, your heart. You can never force anyone to do anything they don’t want to do,

Just accept it. Learn to forget. Heal yourself. Walk away. Move on.

There is no photo nor no music, just silence as grief begs.